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To Circumcise or not to Circumcise   Rating: (3.3 / 10)    Views: 4,520

Submitted By: hiskeyd on 11/1/2006. (  |  Share  |  Clikk It! )   

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 “To snip or not to snip, that is the question”, said Shakespeare in his beloved play Hamlet… or something like that. Ok ok, maybe Hamlet didn’t say exactly that, but in the end isn’t male existence often tied to whatever their penis is doing or thinking at any particular moment. So really the correct quote of “to be or not to be” isn’t that far off from “to snip or not to snip”. In any event the question is before us and to answer it, I’ll turn to religious doctrine, medical facts, and people’s opinions to answer the age old question of why men are always doing things to their penises… and by that of course I’m talking about circumcision.

How did this whole circumcision thing get started anyways? Who was the first to say to themselves, “hmm, I think I’ll cut some skin of my penis”. One might think it would be the same person who first thought, “hmm, I think I’ll eat that shell covered slimy substance that just came out of that chickens vagina… maybe with some toast.” But in fact we may never know if that is true. What we can tell is that the first snip was apparently done by Abraham in accordance with a covenant between God and the Jewish people. “Any uncircumcised male who is not circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin shall be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant.” (Gen 17:14.13) Abraham of course being older at that time didn’t receive his snipping until he was 99 years old. (Gen 17:24.16) Ouch!

But the Jews weren’t the only ones who liked the sound of playing with knives and penises at the same time. The Sunnis, a branch of the Islamic religion, also took from Abrahams cue and decided to snip themselves too, despite there being no direct reference to it anywhere in the Quran.

So based on religion, should men be running with scissors naked? Well that depends. If you’re an orthodox Jew, I’d say you’d better. After all it’s probably not a good thing to break a covenant with God. If God wants them snipped, who are we mere mortals to argue? If you’re Islamic, I’d say that’s a pain there is no reason for you to endure. I mean really, are the Islamic people basing their religion off the Quran or the Old Testament? Last time I checked it was the Quran and it has no direct mention of any snipping of the penis. In fact I’m fairly certain it has pretty stringent rules about not playing with the penis in any fashion, with or without knives, lest they cut off your hand and leave your penis completely in tacked. I guess in the end people just like cutting things off their bodies.

What about Christians you say? Well lets just say I know quite a few Christians who quite enjoy their pork chops, maybe with a little applesauce, and aren’t really into stoning adulterers, so I’d say if you’re going to ignore those Godly decrees, then maybe its not so bad to let your sons keep their penises fully sheathed.

So if not for religion than why snip you ask? What does Dr. Jack Swanson, a member of the American Academy of Pediatricians Task Force on Circumcision, have to say about circumcising little boy’s penises? Quite a bit as it turns out, “It appears most people can lead a healthy life without having to have it done. All the studies did show a benefit to having circumcision, but the benefits were not great”. The most prevalent medical benefits which are found from circumcision include, decreased risk of urinary track infections, less likely to develop penis cancer, and reduced risk of transmitting STD’s.

Some specific numbers on these things as found here: http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=51742, are thus. According to the AAP 1% of uncircumcised boys will develop a urinary track infection, as opposed to .01% of boys who are circumcised. Further, uncircumcised boys are three times as likely to develop penile cancer. However it should be noted here that only one in one million circumcised men will contract this rare form of cancer. So that is only three in one million… Anybody feel like playing lotto??

For more Doctoral input we go to Dr. George Denniston, president of the International Organization of Doctors Opposing Circumcision, or as I like to call them IODoc, which in nerd speak is, Input Output Doctor, which is ironical since we are talking about the penis. But I digress, Dr. George says “The medical debate is over; there are no medical reasons to justify it.” This of course shouldn’t be surprising as he is the PRESIDENT of the International Organization of Doctors OPPOSING Circumcision. So I’m guessing you weren’t holding your breath wondering what his opinion was. In any event, the medical reasons for the nurse to hand that fateful scalpel to a doctor to hack away seem slight.

For more on this issue let’s go to the people on the street to get their opinion. And by the “people on the street”, I of course mean my brother. Who is neither on the street nor people… Rather he is a person sitting in his house talking to me on the phone, which in the end is probably just as good as people only its one person… instead of many… which I guess is not just as good as many people, so I completely just lied to you. He is in fact a paramedic though, so at least he is more qualified to make such medical decisions than most. ( Small Print Disclaimer: The conversation may or may not have gone exactly like this, but the important details are there and factual.)

Me: “Good morning and welcome to the show”

Brian: “Thanks for having me, as always really good to be here.”

Me: “Oh no thank you.”

Brian “No thank you!”

Me: “Stop!”

Brian: “No you stop!”

Me: “No really stop, you are annoying the grader, who ironically enough holds my grade in their hands... which is a bit like the expression “holding my balls in their hands”… with a scalpel… you see where I’m going with this??? Circumcision… balls… scalpel… I feel awkward now…”

Brian: “As well you should!”

Me: “Did you find allowing a stranger to handle and eventually cut your son’s penis particularly satisfying? In particular at a time in his life when he has just come into this world and is completely dependent on you for protection of himself including his afor mentioned foreskin.”

Brian: “Yes”

Me: “And how did the mutilation, COUGH, I mean circumcision go?”

Brian: “Not well actually. The doctor didn’t completely remove the foreskin and so James (his son) is only partially circumcised.”

Me: “Crazy, kind of like having the best of both worlds!”

Brian: “Not really Bob, in fact he has already been the benefactor of a urinary track infection due to the fact that he is little and doesn’t bath as often as grown men. And an uncircumcised penis needs daily washing or it gets a rash and is vulnerable to all types of infection.”

Me: “Why did you just call me Bob?”

Brian: “I don’t know, why are you asking me about my son’s genitailia? Sicko, I’ll never let you baby-sit again!”

Me: “Seriously it’s for an assignment in Anthropology.”

Brian: “mmmhhh. Anthropology huh? Sounds like some sort of hippy crap!”

Me: “Well actually…” ;-)


So after studying religious, medical, and an extensive sample space of peoples personal opinions on the subject, it appears as if there are few reasons in the first two cases to circumcise boys. But ironically enough, in the third case, namely my brothers’ son, there was a reason. And I think this brings up a good point, which might be interesting to look up in the medical surveys done on the subject. Namely, how often are these uncircumcised males washing there precious penises? Obviously when they are older they are probably washing daily… or at least spending an awful lot of time in the shower every day doing something to their penises… COUGH… Anyways, but when they are young, they are probably washing weekly, which drastically would increase their susceptibility to penile infections, one would think. The million dollar question of course would be how much more than the circumcised penis? As I cannot find any such specific details other than most medical information saying “as long as you wash regularly” without any specific stats, I can only speculate. So I guess in the end it’s really just a matter of personal preference. As spoken by the great Elaine Bennis, played by the lovable Julia Louis Dreyfus, when asked by Jerry Seinfeld what she thought of an uncircumcised penis. “I don’t know. There’s no face. No personality!


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